A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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