I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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