and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
