I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
