If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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