I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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