An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
do nipples grow back?
Randomize