I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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