five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
