apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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