My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
