I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
