I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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