My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
