i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
