Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
