We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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