I want to make a zoo with you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
