I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
