So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
