haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
