I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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