On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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