After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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