If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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