Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
