i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
