Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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