on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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