there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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