You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
