I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
