How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
