Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
