You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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