Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
