If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
