Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
