Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
