Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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