I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
