Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
