Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
