so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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