could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
