my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
