i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
