Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
