omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
