Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
