....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
