Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
