My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I fill condoms, not promises.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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