I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
