Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
