I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So much rum. So many feels.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
