K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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