You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
