There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
