i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
