Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
porn star boner night. come get it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
