I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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