That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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