Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize