Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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