well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
