just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
