No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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