Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
These tits shall not be calmed
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
