We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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